Another week has flown by and as we edge closer to the end of this adventure, the more sad I become. I usually dont do so well with sad (involves eating sweet treats), but Ive decided to keep things in line. Once again, I tried to focus on the cardio, going to spin classes and cardio kickboxing.
I would love to say that my roundhouse kicks and planks with jacks (done to the tempo of upbeat music) have improved, but that would be stretching the truth. I am hard pressed not to laugh when I see myself flailing about in the mirror. But that doesnt matter! Its a ton of fun and a darn good workout. My sweat glands are active again which usually means good things in the pounds department.
Outside of the gym I spent my week being super productive while being super cranky. Theres just nothing like a little dose of jet lag to throw your world into reverse. By Wednesday (a week after I had returned), I hit a wall. For the first time since I started this adventure, I went to the gym to meet Nichole and felt that I had nothing to give. Three-quarters of the way through I just wanted to quit and walk out.
I told Nichole how I was feeling, and although she was sympathetic, she wasnt going to let me stop. I panicked inside. Since I am a hard worker and demand a lot of myself in “real life,” friends and colleagues usually let me quit when I tell them I cant do something. I recognized this pattern a few years ago and Im terribly ashamed of it, because I feel as though Ive let myself off the hook too many times when facing tough situations.
That being said, I honestly thought that I could get Nichole to let me bail on the rest of my workout if I just explained to her how exhausted and defeated I felt. She wasnt buying it and just stood there while I had a tantrum in my head. I was actually so stunned that I blurted out “But I can usually talk my way out of anything!”
Not my brightest moment to say the least, but definitely one of my most honest. But when I realized she wasnt going to budge, I got it together and quietly finished the exercises. Despite all of the terrible-no-good-very-bad excuses I had been reciting in my head, I was able to quiet the voices, focus, and just do it. And you know what? It was so much less painful to go through it and finish it than to live through the self-imposed torture of quitting.
I thought about this episode all week and used it to keep me going despite my fatigue (and severe PMS…ugh). I dont know if Ill ever be able to explain to Nichole how big that moment was for me and how happy and thankful I am that she put a stop to the drama in my head. I felt more grounded than I have in a long time, certain that there is something inside of me that I can depend on. Something that is strong and solid and that I can depend on. I am satisfied.